Lando Labour Day Update

Good Day!

I know I've been derelict in my duty to post here more often,
but things in Lando have been quite busy!

The Lando Labour Day Parade and festival was such a
huge success this year! I think we wrapped up the
summer of 2008 quite nicely!



Here are a few more photos from the Labour Day Parade and Festival...

Mrs. Mayor Stoner's Sister, Eunice

Ray Crouse and his boy, Randy

One of our local Shriner's from the
Ali Babba Temple of the Shrine

Peggy Cabot's Sheep

Shaka Zulu

Mr. T

Miss Teen Lando,
Sybilene Bradshaw
(Elverna's baby girl)

Lando Concert Orchestra

Gumby's Mom!

Dirk Crouse

Chief Wiggum and Rodney Remington
have some comfy seats for the parade!


After the parade, Mrs. Mayor Stoner told me she was going to
check out a few of the Labour Day Sales!
Mrs. Mayor Stoner

Here are just a few of the sale notices from around Lando...









This last one caught my eye, and one part in particular...



You see that? The more you buy, the more you save!

Well, let me tell you, the female of our species dont interpret that the same as the men folk!

I'm here to tell you that Mrs. Mayor Stoner took that message to heart!

The way she sees it is like this...

If an item normally costs $20, and it's on sale for, say, $10,
then the store will tell you that if you buy it, you are saving $10.
That may be true, but it fails to consider:

a) You may never have considered buying that item
2) It would NEVER have sold at $20
c) you dont NEED that item, and
.) it's still over-priced at $10!

Here's where it gets good!

When Mrs. Mayor Stoner comes across such an offer,
her mind immediately goes like this:

a) I need THAT.
2) It's on Sale!
c) I'm saving $10!
5) I just EARNED $10!

That's the biggie right there, number 5!!!

Even though we all know that if it had just been sitting on the
shelf for $10 she would have walked right on by, but, NO...,
since it's 'on sale', she HAS to have it!

AND she's making $10 on the deal!

So, in her mind, she now has an additional $10...
To buy something else!

And so it goes...ALL DAY LONG!

So, by the end of the day she's spent an entire month's salary
but she 'saved' ten times that much.

She's planning on using the 'extra' money to remodel our den
and get some new furniture for our veranda!

Please, God, dont let it be on sale!!!

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Wild Goats!

Good Day! It's great to have you stop by again.

I have another Dirk Crouse story today that I think you will enjoy.
Dirk is quite the character around here.

Several weeks ago, Dirk, and his brother Ray were hunting birds in a local farmer's fields. They were walking along when Dirk stepped on something that made a hollow echo sound. Before he realised what it was, it gave way beneath his right foot and he fell through up to his hip.

Ray quickly helped Dirk out and they soon found what looked like a well or a mine that had been covered with boards. Dirk was fortunate to have only put one leg through the rotting boards because it looked like a long way to the bottom.

Ray grabbed a rock and tossed it in the hole and waited to hear it hit bottom. After several minutes of silence, Dirk said they needed a bigger rock so they could hear better. He looked around and found a stone about twice as big as the one Ray had used. Dirk tossed it in and they waited. Nothing...

Ray looked around and found a stone so large he could hardly get it in the hole, but he did, and they waited, and listened. Still, nothing.

Well, that was all Dirk could put up with. Dirk is a man of little patience. He looked around and soon found an old railroad cross tie in some bushes near the hole. He got Ray to help, and together they pushed the cross tie into the hole. They waited a few moments, and suddenly a wild goat came crashing through the bushes and headed straight for them. The goat was moving faster the closer he got to Dirk and Ray. The goat broke right between Dirk and Ray and jumped in the hole without slowing down.

The 'Wild' Goat

Dirk and Ray were both flabbergasted. What in the world had gotten into that goat? He must have been mad with some disease or something. They started to cover the hole so no one would fall into it when the farmer that owned the field came walking up. He asked the two Crouse brothers if they had seen his goat anywhere. Dirk said that as a matter of fact a wild goat had come crashing up to them, and had jumped into the hole right there! The farmer looked at them and agreed that what they had just witnessed was strange indeed, but that it could not have been his goat. He went on to say that he had tied his goat to an old railroad cross tie by those bushes.

Ray said it cost them $75 for the goat, but it was worth it!

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Dirk's College Days

Ray’s brother Dirk is a man of few words, and usually his actions give you an idea of what he’s thinking. Ray reminded me of this story the other day, and I thought I would share it with you.

Over in Lancaster, they got themselves what used to called the Extension because it was an extension of the main campus in Columbia. Well, after a few years they got tired of that and now it’s called USCLA, or The University of South Carolina, Lancaster Area.

Dirk up and decides he’s going to need a college education, so he enrolls himself at USCLA.

One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in, looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform." I'll give you exactly 15 minutes.

The lecture room fell silent.
You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting."

It got down to the last couple of minutes when Dirk got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and slugged him; knocking him off the platform.
The professor was out cold. Dirk went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at Dirk and asked, "What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

Dirk calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So, He sent me."

So that’s the end of Dirk’s school days.

Dirk Crouse

Okay, now I want to give you all a Lando Cooking School lesson.
This particular dish is a favourite of mine, and I get Mrs. Mayor Stoner to make it as often as I can.

First, gather up these ingredients.

• 8 large corndogs or 24 mini-corndogs
• 2 cans chili
• 1 can refried beans
• 3/4 cup grated cheddar cheese
• 3/4 cup grated pepperjack cheese
• 1/2 cup of chopped green onions

Now, preheat your oven to 375 degrees.
Combine chili and beans in mixing bowl.

Arrange thawed corndogs in an 8x12 baking dish.

Pour chili and bean mixture into baking dish.

Cover with cheese, and bake for 30 minutes.
Add green onion garnish and place under broiler until browned.

Now, take the whole thing to your Sunday covered dish or Wednesday prayer meeting or Thursday social club or what ever! There wont be no leftovers!

May God bless you until next time!

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Big News Today!

Big News in Lando today!

Mr. Crouse and his brother, Dirk, were out hunting over the weekend. Sunday was the last day for big game Bull Squirrels, so they wanted to try for the big one before the season went out.

Dirk says that they had been out in the field since 5 that morning, and were tired and ready to give up for the day. They had already packed most of the ammo, rifles, grenade launchers and rpg's into the truck when they heard that tell-tale whooshing sound over their heads.

Ray said he just had a minute to toss Dirk a stand-by M16 with only half a clip in it. Dirk caught the rifle in mid-air and and emptied the clip at the sound as soon as his finger hit the trigger. Seconds later the ferocious beast hit the ground right in front of the truck!

The warden at the check station says he thinks it may be a state record, and is obviously the biggest one ever landed with such an underpowered weapon.

Looks like there's going to be good eating at the Crouse household for several months.

Dirk and Ray with the Trophy Squirrel

Look at the size of that tail! It's got to be at least six feet! That's going to be one tasty tail-bone chowder!

Several years back a couple of guys brought in what would have to be real close to the size of this one, but I dont think it counted towards the state record. They brought it down with an F16, and that was before it was legal to use F16's to hunt Bull Squirrel.

But hold on to your hats, that aint all! Ray and Lari got approval to go to Asia for their daughter, Jessamine Love, this morning. Looks like Dirk and his kids will get the lion's share of that Bull Squirrel because the Crouse's are going to be eating tête de poulet for a couple of weeks!

All-in-all, a big day in Lando. Thanks for stopping by!

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