Mrs. Stoner's Day in Court

Yesterday, my wife, the lovely Mrs. Stoner had to appear in court as she was a witness to a theft at our local IGA store.

Mrs. Mayor Stoner

It seems that a young man had placed a large quantity of very frozen meat from the freezer section into his baggy pants. He neglected to consider the area into which he had placed his booty, and how uncomfortable it could become very quickly.

Mrs. Stoner was just coming in the store as the temperature reached his maximum level of toleration and his pants came off revealing his ill-gotten gain and the effects of sub-zero temperatures on exposed flesh.

She was not amused nor impressed.

The prosecuting attorney called Mrs. Stoner to the stand and as he approached her he asked, "Mrs. Stoner, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams."
"I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me."

"You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Stoner, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do."
"I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife.
Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney very nearly died, and the prosecuting attorney was ashen.

The judge, the honourable Mr. Reinhold, asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice (but loud enough for Mrs. Stoner to hear), said,

"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

She never told me how the case turned out, but there was a big sale on previously frozen meat at the IGA later that day.