A Sad Day in Lando

One of Lando's most beloved citizens passed away this week.
We have all been pretty down about it, but we try to get along.

His name was Fred Clark, and there probably wasn't a soul in town that didn't love to be around and listen to his tall tales and jokes!

They asked his best friend, Walter "The Monz" Mondale to deliver his eulogy. There couldn't have been a finer choice, because he did an excellent job. I thought you all should see it, so here it is in it's entirety...

Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark, who had tired of reading obituaries noting other's courageous battles with this or that disease, wanted it known that he lost his battle as a result of an automobile accident on June 18, 2006.

True to Fred's personal style, his final hours were spent joking with medical personnel while he whimpered, cussed, begged for narcotics and bargained with God to look over his wife and kids.

He loved his family. His heart beat faster when his wife of 37 years Alice Clark entered the room and saddened a little when she left.

His legacy was the good works performed by his sons, Frederic Arthur Clark III and Andrew Douglas Clark MD, PhD., along with Andy's wife, Sara Morgan Clark.

Fred's back straightened and chest puffed out when he heard the Star Spangled Banner and his eyes teared when he heard Amazing Grace.

Always an interested observer of politics, particularly what the process does to its participants, he was amused by politician's outrage when we lie to them and amazed at what the voters would tolerate. His final wishes were "throw the bums out and don't elect lawyers" (though it seems to make little difference).

During his life he excelled at mediocrity.

He loved to hear and tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span.

He had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon.

You always knew what Fred was thinking much to the dismay of his friends and family. His sons said of Fred, "he was often wrong, but never in doubt".

When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how Fred never peed in the shower - on purpose.

He died at MCV Hospital and sadly was deprived of his final wish which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze for a double date to include his wife, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to crash an ACLU cocktail party.

In lieu of flowers, Fred asks that you make a sizable purchase at your local ABC store or winery (please, nothing French) and get rip roaring drunk at home with someone you love.

No funeral or service is planned. However, a party will be held to celebrate Fred's life. It will be held in Lando, SC at the Woodsmen of the World Lodge. Email fredsmemory@yahoo.com for more information.

Fred's ashes will be fired from his favourite cannon at a private party on the Great Catawba River where he had a home for 25 years.

Okay, that's it!

Remember that the Crouse's will be in Asia for the next two weeks, so yall add them to your prayers, and they'll be home with little Moli in no time at all!

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