Lando Unique Zoo

Over in the western part of Lando lives Dr. Armando Alijandro Moreau who owns the Lando Unique Zoo.

What makes his zoo unique are the animals there.

Armando is a genius with DNA and a technique known as 'vivisection'.

Using these techniques, he has come to own one of the most unique collections of animals you have ever seen.

The thing you will notice most about each of his animals is how much each one has features of human hands.

Here are just a few, but if you visit the zoo, there are literally hundreds more!

















Read Complete Post...

You Need Worms, Man!

Most folks around here accept it as common knowledge that Doug Marlette's comic strip, Kudzu, was inspired by the good folks and quaint charm of Lando. What you may not have realised is that the character known as the Reverend Will B. Dunn was based entirely on our own Reverend Dr. Ezekiel Moses of Lando Baptist Church. Doug got started long time ago drawing political cartoons for the Charlotte Observer, and being so close to us, he was often down here visiting and gathering ideas for his political satire, as well as his comic strip.

Well, I dont mean to run on about my good friend Doug, God rest his soul, it's just my way of giving you a little idea of what kind of preacher Dr. Moses is.

Dr. Moses has started a campaign to rid the airwaves of a children's show he describes as being the video version of crack cocaine. The particular show that has him all in a snoot is called 'Big, Big World'.

The main character in Big, Big World is a Sloth named Snook, and he is obviously a hippie stoner left over from the last century.


He talks a lot like Spicoli, Bill, Ted, or any other hippie that comes to mind and he is obviously high on weed for most of his on-camera appearances.

I think he sounds most like Tommy Chong from Cheech and Chong. "Dave's not here, man."

Check him out here:

Dr. Moses has started a national campaign to force PBS to remove the hippie and his weedfest from TV. Dr. Moses feels that the message that Snook is sending to our children is that weed is okay.

In one episode, the monkeys have a garden and Snook thinks they can grow a "huge patch of some really wicked weed" until he finds out that the monkeys have banished the worms from their garden. Snook is all upset, but still cool when he tells the monkeys, "You need the worms, man. The worms crawl all around in the soil and stuff and make the roots of the weed really happy. You gotta have worms, man." So the rest of the episode is about getting the worms back in the garden to help grow the weed.

Frankly, I have not seen the show, but a stoner sloth sounds pretty cool to me. I mean, who doesn't laugh at stoners?

Anyway, Dr. Moses is pretty serious, and he says the next show to go is that 'Show Me the Monkey', Curious George.

He says the Man in the Yellow hat is irresponsible and leaves George unsupervised for much of the day. Being unsupervised, George is often found wreaking havoc or creating the potential for loss or injury to others. Additionally, he is unclean and we see him serving food tainted by his filth and ineptness to unsuspecting patrons of the local establishments around his neighbourhood. He is an animal, yet he is allowed to roam free in an urban area with no restrictions. It's doubtful that his apartment building is zoned to allow circus animals to live there. The threat he poses is real and imminent.

So there you go. Dr. Moses is a force to be reckoned with, so my guess is these two shows are headed for the off-price dvd section at Wal-Mart any day.

Read Complete Post...

A Truly Heart Warming Story

I know I have been lax in posting lately, but quite frankly, I've been depressed.

One of the best friends in my life was tragically killed last month, and it's taken me some time just to be able to leave the house.

His name was Peter Davies, and he and I have been friends since we met in play school.

Peter was an avid outdoorsman, and loved to travel the world to enjoy nature and wildlife in their native habitat.

In 1988, Peter was on safari in Kenya after having graduated from Lando University.

While on a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1988, and knowing the elephant's reputation for superior memory, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. After all, an elephant is faithful, 100%.

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his head against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Read Complete Post...